plastic cheese and meats

today i ate lunch by myself.
i NEVER do this.
typically i eat with my womanly friends, we cackle in the classroom across the hallway about 'women' things...
you know.. all that FUN and saucy stuff..

but today.. i ate by myself and it led to
an epiphany of sorts.
really, though_
_this has been brewing, but today the bubble burst when i looked down and after two bites, it all nearly came back up.

processed ham and plastic melted cheese. with smartfood _ which is apparently [healthy]

yes, that's fake chicken_ ground back up and then grilled to appear as if REAL. i know.

i've had it.
i have HAD it.
i used to eat well. i USED to bring in lunch for myself, good leftover dinners. that were made with love and real cheese and meat and ...goodness. but i got lazy and then started new medication. by 5:30 i could fall asleep for the night. forget about making a full meal. so i started buying lunch from Pomptonian, which claims to be all healthy. as healthy as the Smartfood, i guess.

i am putting this in a post, as a way to keep myself accountable. not ordering another chicken caesar again. i have $18 or so remaining on my account. ...  i could buy a round of ice cream for my kids.. hmmmmm. they'd love that.

today, i took a trip to kings after school {escorted by mom, of course} and stocked up the fridge/ freezer full of chicken, beef, pork tenderloin. fresh vegetables and more... . i feel like the school cafeteria has contaminated my innards.
the very fact that i call them my 'innards' means they i have.. .