the power of His name

when i was first diagnosed with epilepsy i had a battery of tests done.
i remember being dragged into different rooms in the wee hours of the night.
nurses and doctors coming in and out, explaining one procedure after the next.
one i will never forget though, was the spinal tap.

for some reason, the doctor had tried once or twice and it hadn't worked.
it may have even been a "doctor in training".
by that time, my mom had just about had enough.
actually she went into 'flip out' mode.
and if you knew my mom and doctors, you knew the best place to get was as far away as possible.
she went out into the hallway and demanded that the best "spinal tap" guy get in the room immediately.
within a minute that, in fact, happened.
they knew she meant business.
he was the sweetest man. i will never forget his face. as much as i forget of those weeks and those days.

the procedure started, but by this time, as you can imagine, i was in quite a frazzled state.
my mom was with me, holding my hand, calling to me.. as close as possible..
for some reason, the doctor couldn't get what he wanted to and i began to panic..
and i began to call out aloud, as my mom taught me ...  
His name, "Jesus. Jesus! Jesus! !!"

Just repeating and repeating His name
and with that a peace came over me,
the doctor finally got whatever he needed.
and the testing was done for the night.

The reason for the story today_
this afternoon I had a thyroid biopsy,
quite similar to the spinal tap actually,
but straight in the neck.
.three needles.
good stuff.

This experience came rushing back to me as i laid there on the table.
I was a mess of tears and laughter.
The doctor thought i was a lunatic.
most likely.
I have been listening to Stronger [from the previous post] recently.
the lyrics repeating in my head.

You are Stronger. 
You are Stronger.. .
You have saved me. 

and I couldn't stop thinking about how my mom is standing with Him. now.
which makes me overflow with joy .. .
but the fact that she wasn't "with me, holding my hand, calling to me.. as close as possible.. .."
well that's beyond. tough.

no more words. right now.

plastic cheese and meats

today i ate lunch by myself.
i NEVER do this.
typically i eat with my womanly friends, we cackle in the classroom across the hallway about 'women' things...
you know.. all that FUN and saucy stuff..

but today.. i ate by myself and it led to
an epiphany of sorts.
really, though_
_this has been brewing, but today the bubble burst when i looked down and after two bites, it all nearly came back up.

processed ham and plastic melted cheese. with smartfood _ which is apparently [healthy]

yes, that's fake chicken_ ground back up and then grilled to appear as if REAL. i know.

i've had it.
i have HAD it.
i used to eat well. i USED to bring in lunch for myself, good leftover dinners. that were made with love and real cheese and meat and ...goodness. but i got lazy and then started new medication. by 5:30 i could fall asleep for the night. forget about making a full meal. so i started buying lunch from Pomptonian, which claims to be all healthy. as healthy as the Smartfood, i guess.

i am putting this in a post, as a way to keep myself accountable. not ordering another chicken caesar again. i have $18 or so remaining on my account. ...  i could buy a round of ice cream for my kids.. hmmmmm. they'd love that.

today, i took a trip to kings after school {escorted by mom, of course} and stocked up the fridge/ freezer full of chicken, beef, pork tenderloin. fresh vegetables and more... . i feel like the school cafeteria has contaminated my innards.
the very fact that i call them my 'innards' means they i have.. .

your lyrics.

this is what my iPhone looks like at this very second.
this is what it is playing at its loudest volume this very second.

i love Matt Maher.
found him quite a while ago.. on some silly shane and shane video.
you can find him on my blog, if you go searching... .
heard this last night, as i was setting my alarm. his voice, i can recognize in one word through the radio waves.

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

the lyrics.
didn't search them.. and i'm thinking i am not going to do an official one.

i once heard an artist say that whatever the listener hears is the important message _ those lyrics are the words that touches his or her heart and in many regards, i think that is very true. we all hear different messages, when we listen to the exact same song.
just like when we read a book.
with this song, though, one message rings loud and clear and it couldn't be more true.




... . and Love will hold us together
and make us a shelter to weather the storm
and i'll be my brother's keeper
so the whole world will know that we're not alone.
_


this is the first day of the rest of your life. 


cause even in the dark, you can still see the light
it's gonna be alright. 

Love.
His Love.

found a small wooden heart months back and so much appreciated this quote, i've kept it up all year long. in recent weeks, i've seen it come to life around me.

"May you find strength in the love that surrounds you."
 His love shines through the witnesses of people in our lives that surround us throughout the day.
When I think about my family and friends who have helped me recently, i can say confidently I have seen His love. I have felt His love. and I know it's gonna be alright.

after all, tomorrow_
    is the first day of the rest of my life. 

raindrops to puddles

a while ago.
back when i had my license, before my seizure.. .
i remember driving to work one cloudy morning_it started to drizzle. a tiny droplet here .. . a drop there.. eventually the windshield covered in sparkly "moon quarters".  each droplet finding its way to its friend_ an inch away until they rolled quickly down the front of my car.

in that moment, i thought about how in our lives, many times the 'raindrops' so easily can turn into massive puddles. puddles that seem so hard to get out of.. and to get dry from. we linger in their dampness even hours after the rainstorm. they are so very hard to shake off _

in an effort to find a 'dry spot' recently i went searching through my YouTube favorites. strange spot to go hunting, you would think. but not so much. i found what i looking for.

3:12. it's like that yellow rain slicker i need in life.  Can there be anything more assuring than that?..  even on a day when my mascara is running down my cheeks?


.. . i am His.  
and He is mine.

a bruised tongue and brand new car

it’s been a while.

funny how blogging can become such a routine part of your life_ that you miss it.

Today was the first day back in my classroom after almost a week’s absence. Nothing like seeing your students’ smiling faces when they realize you are back. That feels good. Feels great actually.

Let me rewind for you.. several years ago I was diagnosed with epilepsy. Had my first seizure on an airplane. Couldn’t choose a better spot, or so my brain thought..  until last Monday.. while in NYC’s Daniel. A restaurant where footstools are set out for your purse.

The last thing I remember is choosing my dessert.. and the next, a face – an EMT in a New York City emergency room - posing questions I couldn’t understand. The next three days are all a blur. All, but the security of my best friend, my sister, Allison who never left my side and sang Turn your Eyes Upon Jesus as an iv was administered. This hymn has the ability to slow my pulse… and has been used at times when panic all but overcomes my body.

After my release from the hospital, I spent the next few days at my parents’ house, who nursed this little girl ... back to health.
Bruised tongue and all.

I will admit there was a day or so in there, at 22 Lewis, when I was sassy and felt like the only safe haven was under the covers.. but now.. whether it be my own naivety or just plain silliness, I can’t help but Know..  with an assurance that this is already worked out for my own good. License gone for who knows how long. Brand new car going to waste in the parking lot. I don’t mind. In fact, I feel good. And I thank God for this past week.