mom cell: prayers and love needed

#4) In an effort to spread awareness, share your (or someone you know/love) breast cancer story

i haven't ever told the whole story of my mom's sixteen .. . seventeen year battle with breast cancer. 
I've mentioned it here or there _ in one post or two.

There are very few people in my life who i will 'openly' speak to about this. and when i say 'openly' - i mean allowing myself to let it all go - turning into babbling brook of tears and snot by the end of the conversation. i usually request a change of topic because I can't bear to talk about it anymore.

: it's one of the spots in my heart that won't ever close up. that scar that won't heal. even if tonight she fully recovered.

I wasn't planning on writing about this when I saw Mama Kat's prompt.
actually I didn't want to write about it. 
My heart didn't want to write about it.

and then  _ about a half hour ago i just got phone call from my mom. She's back in the hospital again. Third.. fourth time in the last few months. She just started chemo again two weeks ago. and we're all hoping that it will shrink the new cancer that has grown after the radiation she had last year. but she still can't breathe. even with the constant oxygen at home.

I don't know exactly what to write. or what to say. I guess it's like when i talk about it.
it's just raw emotions. i wish i could fix everything and make her better. heal her. 
enable her to walk a flight of stairs without gasping for air. 
or blow out her birthday candles without being frustrated at her lack of air.

but i can't.
i
can't.
all i can do is be with her. 
love her.
and pray for her.

if you know her, please do the same. she needs double _ triple _ quadruple _ 
endless doses 
of all this.