the u.turn

time doesn't make it easier. 
the pain that is in my heart is still as raw and physically real in the deepest moments of heartache as two years ago. 

i tried to go to my mom's grave today. 
i ended up having to do a u.turn in the middle of the street after a serious. meltdown. 
i know she's not at the gravesite.

i don't know what made me feel like i had to go.. . the fact that it has been two years. 
Two years since i have seen her. 
Touched her. Held her. 
Talked to her.

I know she would say I'm not there - I'm with Jesus. Don't make yourself upset. 

Time doesn't make it easier. 
My heart still aches. 
i know where she is. 
but i want to be next to her.

from today

mannequins on the toilet

ok. this is AWESOME.
i so miss Polaroid.
but two questions.
Why the creepy mannequin?
and what is with the girl developing a photo on the toilet?

picture story

I went to Starbucks today - in hopes they would have the new Mumford my sister had told me about a few days ago.

I wanted the real thing. Not some electronic - i.phonic. I.tunic. musical download. 

low and behold it was there along with the new Avett brothers. 

.Picked a pumpkin Latte to boot. 

still my song will sing Your praise unending

I have so much to write about.

So many things to share about the start of school.

So i'll start slow.

.with just one song.

be on the look out for new posts coming soon.

This song has been on repeat in my car.

i start the day off with it.

and end with it on my ride home.

.The LYRICS. help to direct me where i should be .focused.

i could listen to it for several more weeks.  

morning and evening 

Back to School Geese

this morning i woke up to my mom's beautiful face.
she was smiling So brightly.
so clearly.
so healthy.. .
like i haven't seen in almost two years.

today was also the first day of school.
the first day with the kids.
and not my fourth graders.
my little itty bitty second grade love bugs.
remember this post
well, that is what it was about.

and i've been going into this school year wishing and wanting to sit on the den couch with the tv on in the background and just gabber and chatter with my mom about this.

but i've had to push that all down though, cause if i think too long on it.. then i just get way too sad.
honestly, i still can't deal with it.

so i'd rather focus on her beautiful face that woke me up this morning
or think about the giant flock of geese that flew super low and directly overhead as i walked up my stoop with Tess at 6:45 am.  

[source]

or this song that just so happens to come on as on typing away.

happy ... then really, really sad tears.

i know it's You, God.
but i can't help but think that my mom is behind it somehow.

although i will never attempt a marathon

Why is Subaru always trying to tear so hard at my heartstrings? 

I may just end up getting one because of their commercials. 

He Said

.I might let you bend, but I won't let you break.