i can't really explain it?

there's so much i want to say in response to this:
but i know i will not be able to formulate all of those thoughts in logical way.
i think this is one of those videos you need to watch for yourself. and mull over. let settle:

i've watched it so many times in the past.
and several times recently.

this is something that i struggle with still.
a bit. maybe more than a bit.
i will admit.
sometimes, i wonder why others are healed and not my mom who struggled for years and years.
she, who had So much faith.

but i know that so many people came to see Jesus through her in those struggles.
people who may never have met Him.
i'm not saying He caused anything.
maybe allowed_
but i know, and I've seen in many cases in my life that He is able to work good out of bad,
really, really bad.

and in most cases, I can't seem to understand why one thing happens over the other. I may never.

*hit stop button when video is complete 
- or channel will keep playing "Rattlesnake in a Cooler" video-