mom cell: prayers and love needed

Mama's Losin' It
#4) In an effort to spread awareness, share your (or someone you know/love) breast cancer story

i haven't ever told the whole story of my mom's sixteen .. . seventeen year battle with breast cancer. 

I've mentioned it here or there _ in one post or two.

There are very few people in my life who i will 'openly' speak to about this. and when i say 'openly' - i mean allowing myself to let it all go - turning into babbling brook of tears and snot by the end of the conversation. i usually request a change of topic because I can't bear to talk about it anymore.

: it's one of the spots in my heart that won't ever close up. that scar that won't heal. even if tonight she fully recovered.

I wasn't planning on writing about this when I saw Mama Kat's prompt.
actually I didn't want to write about it. 

My heart didn't want to write about it.

and then  _ about a half hour ago i just got phone call from my mom. She's back in the hospital again. Third.. fourth time in the last few months. She just started chemo again two weeks ago. and we're all hoping that it will shrink the new cancer that has grown after the radiation she had last year. but she still can't breathe. even with the constant oxygen at home.

I don't know exactly what to write. or what to say. I guess it's like when i talk about it.
it's just raw emotions. i wish i could fix everything and make her better. heal her. 

enable her to walk a flight of stairs without gasping for air. 
or blow out her birthday candles without being frustrated at her lack of air.

but i can't.
all i can do is be with her. 

love her.
and pray for her.

if you know her, please do the same. she needs double _ triple _ quadruple _ 

endless doses 
of all this.


  1. Kimberly, we're praying. Call if you need us.
    Jennifer Griner

  2. raw emotion disclaimer:

    sometimes i'm not sure that the prayers matter. obviously god has made up his mind to continue the torture. and i'm not sure i'll ever forgive him for it.

  3. Oh my gosh! You really know what this month is all about, don't you?! WOW!

    m ^..^

  4. my thoughts and prayers will be with you and her. what a difficult road you have been on for the past 17 years. my family has been hit by the cancer beast multiple times, and it is just not something you can plan for or prepare for because every battle is extremely unique.

  5. Found your post from Mama Kat. I don't know you or your mom but I will most certainly pray for you both.

  6. Kimberly, hope you can feel my arms from here. I've been where you are, and past there. And now I'm a breast cancer "survivor" myself, after seeing so many members of my family succumb to other versions of this terrible disease. Hugs and love to you and your family...