chris tomlin makes me cry

the next two weeks are going to eat me alive.. .
.i can feel it coming already

going to need some hard.core prayer. 
certainly not going to be able to do it alone.

i've posted this before
and listened to it twenty .. thirty.. . maybe forty times counting the views on my phone.
every single time, it makes me cry. 
something in chris tomlin's account of the writing of the song and the 2 Kings passage. 
it all just turns me to a weepy, can't catch my breath. mess. 

maybe this week is not the best to listen to this one. 


are you listening?

seems like i've been writing about commercials lately. 
i'm not going to delve into why. .. nor do i particularly know why..  ? 
other than saying _

.. . those swiffer people, they got me good.
i'll surely buy the duster now. 

i hate being bamboozled by cute old people.


my sister is mean

saw this commercial a month or so ago.
loved it for a variety of reasons which i won't detail here and bore you.

i went about a search for the video on the inter.world. galactic net and this blog post came up
A Car Commercial That Humors Your Shitty Art World Dreams.
it made me laugh .. . quite a lot.
[you must read]

and now i'm stuck in a quandry.
which side do i stand on?

do i need to choose a subaru side anyway?
i think not.
my sister would say i was a loser for even posing that question.
thanks, alli.


two pieces of my .HEART

they were meant to be brother and sister 
.their puzzle pieces fit right together.


Let me be singing when the evening comes

i can't even chose a couple of lyrics to highlight as my favorite.
for different reasons, every few lines hit my heart.
in the best way.
very. best.

Rend Collective has created a breath.taking version of this song. 
What a blessing.


The sun comes up, it's a new day dawning
It's time to sing Your song again
Whatever may pass, and whatever lies before me
Let me be singing when the evening comes

Bless the Lord, O my soul
O my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before
O my soul
I'll worship Your holy name

You're rich in love, and You're slow to anger
Your name is great, and Your heart is kind
For all Your goodness I will keep on singing
Ten thousand reasons for my heart to find

Bless the Lord, O my soul
O my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before
O my soul
I'll worship Your holy name

And on that day when my strength is failing
The end draws near and my time has come
Still my soul will sing Your praise unending
Ten thousand years and then forevermore

Bless the Lord, O my soul
O my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before
O my soul
I'll worship Your holy name

We Four Brothers and Sisters

the week before school ended, 
i went out to michigan to see my niece graduate from junior school. 
this september, she will be a freshman in high school.

i still remember my mother's frantic phone call telling me my sister was in labor. 

and now she's .almost. the real deal, full live grown up
it can't be.

now that there are four
my sister and brother in law have been busy. 
it's a job, getting a successful photo of all of them.

.here are some helpful hints.

1. whistle We Three Kings.. . ? WHAT?? why? 
2. March through the camera shot kicking your toes up backward
3. repeat Pop's tongue twisters

and then maybe, just MAYBE you be able to get a few classy ones like these. 


i see .You

a while ago, i watched a strange
.. . albeit memorable and unique ben affleck movie .To The Wonder
one line hung on my heart since watching it. 
i've always believed it to be true.

even on the worst days, there will always be one, sometimes barely visible- but always there.
one message reminding me that these _ our pains, our sadnesses, whatever frustrations _ are temporary.
Our hope is in Him.
without a shadow of a doubt I believe that "we were made to see [Him]." [4:55]

while at my sister's church this weekend, we worshipped with a rend collective experiment song i posted somewhere a bit ago. 

i've listened to it probably twenty times since i have returned home yesterday. 
ironic, how in these two, almost polar opposite art forms. .. 
He is ever so clearly reflected.

.Build Your Kingdom Here

  • Come set your rule and reign
  • In our hearts again
  • Increase in us we pray
  • Unveil why we're made
  • Come set our hearts ablaze with hope
  • Like wildfire in our very souls
  • Holy Spirit come invade us now
  • We are Your Church
  • We need Your power
  • In us
  • We seek Your kingdom first
  • We hunger and we thirst
  • Refuse to waste our lives
  • For You're our joy and prize
  • To see the captive hearts released
  • The hurt; the sick; the poor at peace
  • We lay down our lives for Heaven's cause
  • We are Your church
  • We pray revive
  • This Earth
  • Build Your kingdom here
  • Let the darkness fear
  • Show Your mighty hand
  • Heal our streets and land
  • Set Your church on fire
  • Win this nation back
  • Change the atmosphere
  • Build Your kingdom here
  • We pray
  • Unleash Your kingdom's power
  • Reaching the near and far
  • No force of hell can stop
  • Your beauty changing hearts
  • You made us for much more than this
  • Awake the kingdom seed in us
  • Fill us with the strength and love of Christ
  • We are Your church
  • We are the hope
  • On Earth

  • 6.02.2013

    her wings

    today was one of those days when i thought .. . and honestly would have started walking toward the phone _
    i want to call my mom. 

    i had to tell her something. 
    it actually lingered in my mind and heart as real, for at least five full seconds. 
    Made my heart feel full again.

    My mom used to talk about life and death to my niece, Samantha.. .and compare it to the life stages of butterfly.
    The insect appears dead with its chrysalis and then comes to life as an incomparable winged beauty.
    our grey earthly bodies radiantly transform _ shaking death forever and living eternally with Him.

    Looking back, she knew what was going to happen, and she probably knew it was going to happen sooner than any of us wanted to consciously admit. So she was preparing one of the youngest, who in so many ways was a reflection of her. even sharing a birthday.

    This year, my class had the opportunity to watch this process unfold in our classroom everyday. 
    On the day that the first butterflies emerged.. . 
    On the day when I needed her love, a message from her.. .
    As usual, my mom who can't remain quiet for long.
    did this.

    the framed picture of my dad, her and i from my college graduation 
    on the floor

    right behind my teacher's desk
    just sitting there waiting to be found.
    she always did have to have the last word.

    .i'm glad about that now



    the soundtrack of my life

    pandora played this for me this weekend.

    .spring night
    .windows open
    .back roads.
    .twisting and .turning

    how does it know?


    hootie's wagon wheels

    heard this a few weeks ago, forgot how much i had .Loved it
    .Darius was singing
    of course, it's not his. .. but still had to roll all the windows down and rock it.

    once again _ driving down the streets of nj's main streets something doesn't mesh.
    but heck, i could care less.

    .here are both versions


    She would have smiled .Big

    I have five or six drafted posts rolling around in my head.

    Among the millions .. .thousands..  ok FINE .  hundreds of things I do during the day,
    I find that I am "writing" while I'm driving or in the shower.
    When it comes to actually publishing though, many times it never comes to fruition until weeks later. 
    i need to get a handle on this somehow.

    nonetheless, long story short. 
    short story long ___
    let me get to the point

    "lessons from the day"
    "day to day"

    these are three tags that often come up for my posts. ..

    today when I watched this video of my dad and i from a few weeks ago, i was thinking how my mom would definitely be tagging it similarly.
    "things that made me smile"

    my dad and i had an impromptu photo.shoot out in the front yard of all the flowers my mom had planted years and years ago.
    my favorites of course, you will recognize from a few posts back.

    the best part, of course, is my dad laughing.
    these are the best moments, hearing him like that.

    she is indeed smiling.
    i can feel it.


    "i do" advice from a college crush

    it's strange seeing him more than ten years later. 
    especially when in my mind, he had become a pastor. 
    the quiet reserved one  .. . who i had college crushed on. 
    [read the 2010 post where i had introduced you to him]

    now he's a marriage counselor and all up on the tv channels. 

    all great advice. 
    .could have helped this single 35 year old gal a couple of times


    crossing state lines

    there are times when i think i don't belong in new jersey
    .like when i listen to these songs and can't turn the dial in my car LOUD enough.. .

    other times i know my nj attitude is too enormous to fit permanently within the borders of any other state.

    I'm not the biggest fan of any of Florida Georgia Line's videos _ although I am of their music.. . 
    I would suggest listening and minimizing the window.


    the never before seen preview

    forget trying to get one good shot
    it will never work.

    here's the result
    a preview of the blockbuster coming out this summer

    Expression of the Sisters

    check this gif maker


    He perdido josé

    i have three or four posts in queue before any new ones.. . but this song appeared on my Pandora today.  
    and I realized it had been way too long since Jose and I had seen and hung with each other.
    far far too long.
    .a lapse in my musical judgement.
    and bad for my overall .emotional health

    i could go on and on about the song. his voice.
    and all the little details in the video.
    the craft.
    the genius in it all.

    but i'll leave it up to you.

    go on, have at it.
    i won't bore you. any longer.


    keep focused on chocolate

    two things have been in focus in my life recently
    :the creation of several behavior modification charts 
    :and justin's hazelnut butter.

    if i could use a spoonful of justin's as a reward [yes _ i said REWARD], 
    i'm pretty sure, i could eliminate ANY SORT of behavior chart. 

    wouldn't life just be simpler?

    one spoonful for the kid, one for me.. . 
    done. and doner.


    Sweet.eats in my fridge

    here are a few things in my kitchen that have given me much pleasure in the last week or so. 
    all of these are either from Kings or Whole Foods. 
    as a result, I've probably spent more money than I should of on all of these items.
    it seems you can find them online as well .. . and probably hunt them down for better prices.

    i love these Chimes candies just as much for the packaging as for the product. 
    I've always been a fan of ginger chews with their powdered sugared covering and the spicy goodness inside. 
    but this tin?! 
    and look how the top opens?? 
    you know i'm saving this for keeps.

    [i have a couple of tins stashed all over - mango in my apartment, original in my car.. .]

    unlike ANYTHING else. 
    .you've gotta give these a try. 
    Strawberry Dark Chocolate Chip is my favorite flavor. 
    Although, I'm needing to give some more a taste. 
    Check out the their website for the varieties.

    these taste so divine. 


    real world 7H

    clearly, she knows the dishes are the LAST thing i should be doing.
    .this has become a weekly Saturday event.
    it made me laugh the first time, the fifth time, and guaranteed it will the fiftieth time

    [without fail, the bone will always make its way into the dishwasher. no photos on this blog are staged ;]

    this on the other hand, is a daily event 
    .and it does occasionally get old.

    especially on Mondays, when I can barely get my lazy ass out of bed 
    and she falls back on me

    notice her deep sigh at 0:40 when she realizes she has been successful 
    in crawling all the way up on my chest. 

    what a baby.. . but i love her even the more for it.

    KINDLY ignore the trashy apartment behind Tess. 
    the OTHER side of my bedroom is painted and decorated nicely. 
    No.. . I'm not Joking. 
    Photos to be posted soon. 


    Muscari.. . Say What?

    i have very few clear memories of when i was a young girl.

    it used to drive my mom bonkers.
    I think she thought it reflected poorly on my childhood - instead of it being purely a demonstration of my unique 
    and semi.talented brain. [smirk]

    the things that i do remember bring back such warmth that I can't help but smile inside and out.
    every year, when these sprout from the ground i feel my childhood all over again.
    .albeit it so very short.

    Yup .. . these beautiful flowers have that ugly name [muscari - who woulda thought?]




    BEWARE BEWARE .. . adult words!



    Precious Italian Cargo

    One of the other second grade teachers is away this week skiing in Italy.
    Yup. That's right.. .
    I said it.
    She sucks. 

    I'm moving on. 
    Here's the story of the day. 

    One of my boys came to me this afternoon and said that there was another student in the bathroom playing around. 
    Apparently something about mountains of soap ending up on the floor. 
     .. .Another gentleman from Italian skier's class was the culprit. 
    This young man is infamous for his behavior. 
    So I needed to step in and help the sub a bit. 

    I asked my student to call him out of the bathroom and let him know I needed to talk to him
    So out he walks slowly, head down. eyes following his footsteps. 

    He stopped. but several feet away. 
    That wasn't close enough for me.
    I like 'em good and close so they can smell the cafeteria lunch on my breath.  
    "Come closer."
    He took a few more steps. 
    "Nope.. .closer..." 
    "Nope. closer yet." 
    Eyes still at the floor.
    "Look at me."

    I didn't even mention anything about the hilltops of foam soap that apparently had been formed on the tile floor. 

    All I said was "I wanted to make sure that you have been on your best behavior while Mrs. -- --- is gone. How is it going?" 

    "Good, so far." 

    "So far? Why do you say it like that?" to which I couldn't help but giggle a little. 

    "I don't know. .." he shrugged.

    He quickly started sputtering.. . "All I was doing in the bathroom was putting toilet paper on the seat before I went to the bathroom. .." Then continued to trail on and on. 

    I was listening but I couldn't help but smile so very big.. . [this is when I start to kinda tear up and wanna just pick them up and 
    love on em - what's wrong with me? ]  I asked if he washed his hands real good. 
    He answered and then went right back to his classroom.
    All while his teacher is up in the mountains of Italy. 

    How is it possible that the silliest moments are sometimes the best at giving you a dose of reality?
    These soap mongers .. . the ones that call your name a hundred times a day and interrupt incessantly -  seeming sometimes like the loudest possible things on the planet ARE still little babies who are learning to cover toilet seats and tie their shoe laces. 

    I can't forget that. 

    I mustn't forget that. 


    My Posse

    We all know the Lumineers from Ho Hey
    .. . and if you don't, well, you've got some learnin' to do.

    I stumbled upon Stubborn Love of theirs today.
    I'm loving how the video starts, 
    as if I'm peering from the inside out and must find my way toward them. 
    Cause that's basically what has happened.

    Wish I had a posse like this.
    Swig me some hard cider 
    and sing it up in the corner 
    with my boots clanging on the hard wood floor.
    I'm down with that.

    WAIT.. .
    I have these guys.. .
    That works? right?
    .Love 'em.


    it's gonna be wild

    Come away with Me, Come away with Me
    It's never too late, it's not too late
    It's not too late for you

    I have a plan for you
    I have a plan for you
    It's gonna be wild
    It's gonna be great
    It's gonna be full of Me

    Open up your heart and let Me in


    DVR music

    I love when one of my favorite shows features a christian band. 
    Cougar Town had this from Needtobreathe on my DVR tonight. 


    my roommate, my sleepmate


    If Tess could remain curled up beside me, intertwined in my legs 
    or on my belly, all night and day she would. 
    She thinks she's a lap.dog.. . all 45 pounds of her. 

    I don't remember my days without her.
    nor do i want to
    .my baby girl. 


    mom's playlist

    on the back pages of my bible, i wrote down all the things my mom told me the last few days she was alive. 
    I can still hear her saying them to me as I read the words. 

    today, I stumbled upon this while listening to my sister's Pandora playlist. 
    basically, our shared account... .

    my mom found her way there.

    how could you possibly know? .. . you are never far from me. 
    You will always be in me. 
    you are never far from me.