when i was first diagnosed with epilepsy i had a battery of tests done.
i remember being dragged into different rooms in the wee hours of the night.
nurses and doctors coming in and out, explaining one procedure after the next.
one i will never forget though, was the spinal tap.
for some reason, the doctor had tried once or twice and it hadn't worked.
it may have even been a "doctor in training".
by that time, my mom had just about had enough.
actually she went into 'flip out' mode.
and if you knew my mom and doctors, you knew the best place to get was as far away as possible.
she went out into the hallway and demanded that the best "spinal tap" guy get in the room immediately.
within a minute that, in fact, happened.
they knew she meant business.
he was the sweetest man. i will never forget his face. as much as i forget of those weeks and those days.
the procedure started, but by this time, as you can imagine, i was in quite a frazzled state.
my mom was with me, holding my hand, calling to me.. as close as possible..
for some reason, the doctor couldn't get what he wanted to and i began to panic.. and i began to call out aloud, as my mom taught me ... His name, "Jesus. Jesus! Jesus! !!"
Just repeating and repeating His name
and with that a peace came over me,
the doctor finally got whatever he needed.
and the testing was done for the night.
The reason for the story today_
this afternoon I had a thyroid biopsy,
quite similar to the spinal tap actually,
but straight in the neck.
This experience came rushing back to me as i laid there on the table.
I was a mess of tears and laughter.
The doctor thought i was a lunatic.
I have been listening to Stronger [from the previous post] recently.
the lyrics repeating in my head.
You are Stronger. You are Stronger.. . You have saved me.
and I couldn't stop thinking about how my mom is standing with Him. now.
which makes me overflow with joy .. .
but the fact that she wasn't "with me, holding my hand, calling to me.. as close as possible.. .."
well that's beyond. tough.
i started a life list .. .
some call a "bucket list" but i absolutely LOATHE that name.
before i kick the bucket,
in honor of my birthday yesterday, there are thirty three listed below.
that's right, i'm now 33.
and my life list is growing
problem is i don't seem to be scratching off as quickly as i'm adding.
THIS is a dilemma.
i may have to quit my job.
1. see the aurora borealis
2. own a horse
3. fall in love again.
4. go kayaking
5. make a flower crewel collection
6. go to Alaska
7. Greece with Allison, just Allison
8. get an old typewriter and use it to type letters
9. drink bubble tea
10. learn how to knit and crochet again
11. learn how to make homemade pasta - easily - regularly
12. go to an Ingrid concert with Alli
13. become a flea market regular
14. play the piano again... . have one in my house
15. buy a house. .. a bungalow
16. publish a piece of writing
17. successfully start a small business
18. my infamous chocolate cheesecake with raspberry sauce _ make it without recipe.. frequently
19. start exercising.. .maybe yoga?
20. join a Co-op
21. open an etsy shop.
22. adopt a dog
23. take a roadtrip .. .long roadtrip
24. go to Serendipity, NYC
25. tattoo two?
26. learn how to install a chandelier
27. ... reupholster an antique chair
28. learn Italian
29. practice Calligraphy
30. learn how to make my mom's sausage, meatballs, and braciole
i'm apologizing ahead of time for the video overload the last couple of posts,
but this song .MUST. be shared
some good chunks of well thought out text will be coming in the near future. ..
now that i have the full summer ahead of me.
i know you're waiting with baited breath.
the musician and the song:
Hello mercy I have been searching for You lately I've been wounded and from what I hear You have the remedy They told me You would be for me so now I need to know Is this a love that can save me Or say you will then don't Will You stay with me When nobody is around If this is real Then tell me now
(Chorus) Can You hold me together Can Your love reach down this far Can You hold me together 'Cause without You holding my heart I'm falling apart, falling apart Saying so long, been lost, been gone Not sure what to pray It's not easy, but I know You see me When I lose my way I keep on floating not knowing If there is more for me Don't want to sink beneath Waves of negativity I'm going under, I'm afraid I might drown If this is real, I need you now (Chorus) I'm feeling stronger With You by my side And I realize You are my hope And I need to know (Chorus) Without You I'm falling apart Falling apart
Kingdoms and queens they all bow down to you Ranches and ranch hands are bowing too And I'm takin off my straw hat for you, singin' Here comes the sun again
And the leaves on the trees they all call out your name, Chrome on the freight line shines the same, And the stars in their cars roll their tops down for you, singin' Here comes the sun again
Oh but if you're gonna stay, Show some mercy today Blow that breeze on my face
Snow banks and drifts down the hillside for you Slides inside sandy river before the day is through And before evenin falls i may find myself there too, singin' Here comes the sun again, Here comes the sun again...
they were all lined up
by the door.
backpacks on, stuffed to the brim.
one of them turned around and asked, "Can we give you a hug?"
and with that
one piled on, arms reached around as big as can be, stretching
then another. and another..
forming a giant unbreakable ring around me.
i couldn't get out if i wanted to, nearly toppling over with affection.
moments into that enormous hug one of my boys,
called out.. . "I love you." and then just smiled at me.
no one responded with a laugh, or even the slightest comment.
it was as if, it was the most normal thing he could have said to his teacher. .. .
today was, for so many reasons, an extremely hard day.
i opened my eyes,
and dreaded lifting my legs to stand up out of bed.
cried on my way to work.. .
sweat like a beast throughout the day
and, i think, unfortunately, for those around me,
it was not the best day to wear my natural deodorant.
that "I love you " though, was my normal day's special.
i was standing out in the hallway this morning greeting the kids as they came in.. .
one of my boys appeared, said "Good Morning!", walked into the classroom,
unpacked, opened the windows for me [he's my guy]
.... came back out and proceeded to tell me this. .
" I realized something 'psychological' last night.. ." [yes, these are the words he used] a.dorable.
" You know how dogs love you even if you are mean to them? Or you do something wrong? Well it's just like God.. . Isn’t it funny how their names are just spelled backwards?"
i'm a lucky lady to have these kids in my life. every day. very lucky.
today when i woke up this scene popped into my head from Sunny in Philadelphia.
I laid there with Jayden,
my very own kitten
and laughed and laughed .. thinking of it.
clearly i've been out of the blogging loop for a while now i've been without internet for a bit. and in the midst of a move. so i'll start back with a post of all the windows i've kept open since my computer has last been running.
these are things i didn't want to forget about: might as well share them with you.
1. the designer: ZARA loving these pants. i think i could LIVE in these. they come in an array of colors. and patterns.
3. A Deeper Story: Tales of Christ and Culture Several of the bloggers I follow are co.authors of this site. I'm sure that's how I linked to it. This article, Accepting Trouble, in particular stirred something inside me. Definitely worth some visit time.
4. Flea Markets, Garage Sales .. . cravings. I read this post from the Rusted Chain and immediately wanted to find a flea market to hunt down some treasures. Definitely on my to do list for this summer.