sunday 100.5

halfway there.. . 

59. girl talks about stupid boys.
one of my besties, Michelle, just left.
love her. love our conversations. we just get each other.
What a blessing she is in my life.

58. visits to the public library

57. acoustic guitar. watching ... and listening to someone playing.

56.  my crazy family.

55.  Jim Halpert.. otherwise known as 'Jim', Pam's now husband on The Office.

54.  anything BACON related _ i even have PocketBacon on my iPhone. ..  .

53.  my favorite mug. it's heavy. it's plain _  not the prettiest, by far. but it's my favorite and it makes my tea even much more comforting.

52.  lilacs
there was a bush near my house when i was growing up.
bloomed every spring. the scent traveled throughout the neighborhood.
the new neighbors cut it down when they moved in, never understood why.. how very silly? who in their right mind would ever do such a thing?

51. my crinkle paged, well. worn bible with underlining and notes and stars. Looking at it. makes me feel like i have a two.way journal with God.

50. impatiens seed pods.
my sister and i used to love to pop these as little girls. sending the seeds flying about.
my mother plants impatiens faithfully every summer as much as I dare her to spice things up a bit. i would miss these pods, though. last year, i sent some of them to my sister. I think they were all popped by the time they made it from nj to Michigan.



shining my way

found on House last night.
why is it that this show has music that consistently hits my heart?
who's choosing those sonGs?
do you know Me?... are you reading my diary? wait... i don't have a diary.
are you reading this blog?

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sunday 100.4

i missed last sunday.
i do believe i blogged ... . but not a 'sunday 100'..
soo o i'm doubling up this sunday.
one in the wee morning.
another later in the day.

69. loved Ben Harper for years. but just uncovered this song yesterday.

even Kina has a version. have hers youTube favorited as well.

68. the first scents of fall. the smell of the the leaves... .  completely sweet as they are being swept and gathered about everyone's lawn.

67. coloring.
nothing like just breaking out a box of Crayolas.
no fancy box of 64 either.. just a plain ole 16 will do.
pure relaxation for my soul
give it a try_ will you?
a sigh will creep out.. you'll catch yourself.

66. Sriracha sauce
it's magic
use it on everything

65. Nathan's corndog nuggets

64. pink. i grew into this one.
i didn't want to like it because it's such a girl thing to do.
but then i realized, when i finally grew into myself at age 30 .. . [sigh]] _
[yes. i think it took THAT long] that i do in fact LOVE it.
in every possible shade.
no wonder as a little girl, i would take off my pink corduroy skirt, only to get cleaned.

63. this scene from StepBrother. pee my.pants.funny.
[watch out for little ears @ 0:43]

62. a good cry.
sometimes it just feels so very good, doesn't it?

61. headbands.
i'm addicted. with flowers, jewels, ruffles, heck even butterflies.
i may need an intervention soon.

60. organic bananas. don't even dare give me a regular one. tastes like poison. read this and then go do a taste test yourself at your local produce section. Organic Consumers Association 


a lovely dummy

the last few weeks of school have not been easy. a lot has been happening in the school district and the fact that it is nearing june is not helpful in any way, shape or form. the kids can feel it in the air. even the most polite child has a new sass in their step. 

without fail though, even on the worst day, there will always be a glimpse or glimmer of hope. 
the scene below was from monday.  
all from a young man, i brought to the office twice that day
you should have seen the concoction he created with a folder, pencils and pens. 
looked like a medieval torture device. 

at the end of the day,
i sat at the group work table with him_ 
often times the only place he will work. 
this is what he comes out with // /

"I wonder why they say:
you know things 'BY HEART' instead of know things 'by mind'?
Cause you know things with your mind."  
He paused for a while, reflecting. 
"I wonder a lot of things like that." 

it's in moments like that_ that i love my job. luckily, they appear quite frequently. i just sit back and smile, snapping away with my imaginary camera. . and jotting down what silly or thoughtful things they say. 

Think about it though. 
I  have.  
I've spent the last few days tossing this idea back and forth around in my mind. 
And all the things I've known with MY HEART, are the ones that i've experienced the most extremes emotions with. 
the MOST love, or the most heartache. i felt the most loss over. the songs i know BY HEART are the ones, that usually make me laugh or cry... they are the ones that touch the inner core of my HEART. sometimes i misread things or people, sometimes i've misunderstood situations, but i don't think i would take back anything, ever. 

The things i know with my mind. obviously are worth knowing, 
but if i only had one choice. 
to know either love and pain with my heart.. .
know hard cold facts with my mind. 

only could have one? 

i think i would rather be a dummy with love. 
fer sur. 

maybe i'm thinking too long and hard about this all. 
maybe not. 


today's song. maybe yesterday's

found this yesterday.
feel like i've heard this before.
feel like i've known it for a long time.
kinda like

Déjà vu


the big picture.

i get so utterly caught up in things
that i forget about the big picture

how silly is that, right?
how can you not see the BIG picture staring you back right in the face?

on a day to day basis, though
when you get slapped around with bad news from every possible direction.
.from work
.to your mother's on.going battle with cancer.
.and this relationship to that.. .

it becomes overwhelming.
some of it is silly.
some of it's life changing.

the only thing that give me any assurance when i open my eyes in the morning is God.
to some it may seem naive.
it may seem like blind faith.
but He makes me whole.
amidst all of the silly and life changing battles.

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turning weeds into dreams

found this today on the hill coming down to my parking lot. picked the first one and sent the seeds flying about. 
saved the second one on my way back home. 
it's the little things_


john cusack in the rain

saw this today and thought about Say Anything
not to say that i don't think about that movie on a regular basis to begin with. because i do. 
in the 'movie version' of my life, there are men with boomboxes out in the rain. 
 ask my sister, she'll tell ya. 

go ahead, go crazy. rent it this weekend. 
i promise you'll love it all over again. 


:: No, I ain't like most.

bling and where babies come from

today was the teacher appreciation luncheon at CAS. all the teachers dressed up as rock stars.

note: heavy on the bling. 

we were given an amazing lunch by the PTO and then sent back to our classrooms with the roses from the lunch tables. Who doesn't love a red rose adorning their work table?

[ take a careful look at the two pair of sunglasses _ my real ones hiding behind the rose _ the PTO 'dress up' ones on my calendar] They went all out to make us feel like *stars today.

The students voted what singers we were most like. Apparently i'm =
Taylor Swift
One of the reasons being: [exactly as it was typed]
"Miss {A}. You are assome. I'm happy your my teacher you rock.  & p.s. have a nice day."

I think my kids were a little pumped up today, from the whole Rock star event. and just in general as it is the near.end of school. I walked halfway in on this conversation, as i picked them up at library today.

... { in a sarcastic tone_ from one boy to another} Well - my mom and dad, they REaLLy love each other, .. . . "

and then he paused... The other boys started laughing and looked at me, "What?!? You asked, where I came from?" he quipped.

"JAck," I said and then turned away QUICKLY .... [I couldn't help but smile BIG, wanting to just grab and noggie him to death.]

tooo much.


what would you do if.?

several times this past couple of weeks, i have heard or read this message _ what would you attempt, if you knew that you could not fail? stumbled upon through a clothing site.. . 

or as Pete Wilson said in one of his sermons, "WHAT would you do IN your life - in your marriage, in your finances_  IF YOU WERE ABSOLUTELY CONFIDENT that GOD WAS PRESENT?" 

some days this is much easier than others. 
some days it feels as if everyone's life is moving on around me, and i am sitting on that dirty old bench by the bus stop. 

some days. 

my life, i live on a moment by moment basis. 
but recently, i've been feeling as if i'm on the precipice of something. 
i don't know what. 
in fact, i have not a clue.
i've been trying my best [... my best, often times not being good enough] to lay it in His hands. Just asking that when the time comes, that i somehow Know.
that i feel it.
whatever it may be.
'That this is the road He wants me to take. Whether it be a job, a new place, a relationship.'

Today, during a staff meeting, something was announced. And it was in that moment, in my heart, that I felt that tug. that tug on my heart that I knew was from Him.
I don't know what is going to happen.
I don't know what it all means.
I'm looking into all the details of this news.

But the questions remains still, and echoes at least in my mind _ What would you do in your life? .. . if you knew you couldn't fail? .. if you were absolutely confident that God was Present in your life?

Would you be making different choices?


sunday 100.3

it's about that time again. "sunday one hundred"
close to halfway::

79. Jayden's heart

78. dancing in the car

77. finding something lost
[on the the most superficial level: your keys
and the deepest level _ your heart]

76. Colbie Caillat - Capri

75. This is my sister, Allison. She's 'my person'. [visit her blog] The Last Bite. She's more than a cook.

74. The story.telling of Billy Joel's Scenes from an Italian Restaurant 

73.  .... and Don McLean's American Pie

72.  Everything I Ate: A Year in the Life of My Mouth by Tucker Shaw
This book is currently housed at my sister's house, which is a very good thing. I very likely would get nothing done if I owned it. 
There's a definite reason it's out of stock at amazon.

71. watching clouds change shape: related post coming soon.

70. in the summer, when my freckles appear. they make a grand entrance, all at once. 
not one here or there. 
freckles: jackson pollock style

see ya'll, next sunday.. for the next installment _100.4



this song makes me happy.
:: done deal.
:  period..

"...when we open our eyes and dream"
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climbing flowers

these pots are waiting 

:waiting to be filled.
with something beautiful
         something colorful
         something fragrant

so they can be adorned with the blessings of life.


just this one.

if i could praise GOD with just one worship song,
only one.
it would be this one.
i've posted it before.
maybe even
makes me feel not so alone.
and know without a doubt _that just like He has promised, He is ALWAYS with me.
and will be faithful in guiding me.

He answered.


two men in a hammock

'pursuit of happiness'
from Cougar Town tonight.
this show is hysterically inappropriate, but funny.. .
ch131 it and tonight's Modern Family, if you haven't seen it.
the hammock scene had my sides and belly aching.
you could hear me cackling from the train station across the street

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plastic cheese and meats

today i ate lunch by myself.
i NEVER do this.
typically i eat with my womanly friends, we cackle in the classroom across the hallway about 'women' things...
you know.. all that FUN and saucy stuff..

but today.. i ate by myself and it led to
an epiphany of sorts.
really, though_
_this has been brewing, but today the bubble burst when i looked down and after two bites, it all nearly came back up.

processed ham and plastic melted cheese. with smartfood _ which is apparently [healthy]

yes, that's fake chicken_ ground back up and then grilled to appear as if REAL. i know.

i've had it.
i have HAD it.
i used to eat well. i USED to bring in lunch for myself, good leftover dinners. that were made with love and real cheese and meat and ...goodness. but i got lazy and then started new medication. by 5:30 i could fall asleep for the night. forget about making a full meal. so i started buying lunch from Pomptonian, which claims to be all healthy. as healthy as the Smartfood, i guess.

i am putting this in a post, as a way to keep myself accountable. not ordering another chicken caesar again. i have $18 or so remaining on my account. ...  i could buy a round of ice cream for my kids.. hmmmmm. they'd love that.

today, i took a trip to kings after school {escorted by mom, of course} and stocked up the fridge/ freezer full of chicken, beef, pork tenderloin. fresh vegetables and more... . i feel like the school cafeteria has contaminated my innards.
the very fact that i call them my 'innards' means they i have.. .


i'm His

someone asked me the other day what type of church i attended. .

i find that question awkward to answer.
awkward_ is not even the the right word _. 
it's like people want a response, so they can fit you into a proper place in their religious puzzle. 
are you "christian"? catholic? non-denominational? 
it's sad when you think about it. 

when the truth comes down to it..
in the long and short of it .. ...OR...   the short and long of it.. it makes NO difference.
NONE at all. 
and that's how i responded to this person's question. 
"The church i attend is presbyterian, but i don't place myself in any category."
"i'm a child of God."

and those were my exact words. 
it's funny. how people can get so caught up with all the classifications and titles. they forget that it's all about a relationship.
it's all between you and Him. 
it's about love. 

simply falling in love with Him.

sunday 100.2

i had soO many moments this past week _ where i thought OHh... this MUST go on the 'Sunday.100' list and then.. . 
[without any nearby paper] 
forgot the loved upon item. 

i'm figuring within the weeks to come, they will appear again in my mind. 
if they don't that says something about how i really felt about them, right? 
here are the next ten. 
again, in no particular order.

89. the story of William and Davy sung by Kate Rusby

88. the eerie feeling of Déjà vu ... yes. . i like it. 

87. the red notification bubble on Facebook. come on _ you know you perk up a little when you see that????!~?

86.  the final scene from Man on Fire. makes me weep.. it speaks of great Sacrifice.

85. night.lights. _classy, country ones. not the cheesy plastic kind. 
I can't stand it when a room is pitch black, i think i'm going blind.  

84.  felicity. [just watching this made my heart flutter_ haven't seen it in years.]

83. horseback riding. i started this childhood activity back up again this past fall. nothing compares to the feeling of being so connected to these beautiful creatures. i would some day love to have a horse of my own  _ click here to read related post from last year: the porch

82. skirts. short skirts. long skirts. in between. 
i have so many i can't even count. don't wear them enough to even warrant owning them all. but i love the freedom of walking out the door in a skirt in the morning. nothing all over your legs. just _ footloose and fancy free

81. birch trees

80. 2 corinthians 4:16-17 by my doorway as i leave _and as i come home.

            'doorframes of your house'


here's to a week of meeting some new loves. 



your lyrics.

this is what my iPhone looks like at this very second.
this is what it is playing at its loudest volume this very second.

i love Matt Maher.
found him quite a while ago.. on some silly shane and shane video.
you can find him on my blog, if you go searching... .
heard this last night, as i was setting my alarm. his voice, i can recognize in one word through the radio waves.

the lyrics.
didn't search them.. and i'm thinking i am not going to do an official one.

i once heard an artist say that whatever the listener hears is the important message _ those lyrics are the words that touches his or her heart and in many regards, i think that is very true. we all hear different messages, when we listen to the exact same song.
just like when we read a book.
with this song, though, one message rings loud and clear and it couldn't be more true.

... . and Love will hold us together
and make us a shelter to weather the storm
and i'll be my brother's keeper
so the whole world will know that we're not alone.

this is the first day of the rest of your life. 

cause even in the dark, you can still see the light
it's gonna be alright. 

His Love.

found a small wooden heart months back and so much appreciated this quote, i've kept it up all year long. in recent weeks, i've seen it come to life around me.

"May you find strength in the love that surrounds you."
 His love shines through the witnesses of people in our lives that surround us throughout the day.
When I think about my family and friends who have helped me recently, i can say confidently I have seen His love. I have felt His love. and I know it's gonna be alright.

after all, tomorrow_
    is the first day of the rest of my life. 


raindrops to puddles

a while ago.
back when i had my license, before my seizure.. .
i remember driving to work one cloudy morning_it started to drizzle. a tiny droplet here .. . a drop there.. eventually the windshield covered in sparkly "moon quarters".  each droplet finding its way to its friend_ an inch away until they rolled quickly down the front of my car.

in that moment, i thought about how in our lives, many times the 'raindrops' so easily can turn into massive puddles. puddles that seem so hard to get out of.. and to get dry from. we linger in their dampness even hours after the rainstorm. they are so very hard to shake off _

in an effort to find a 'dry spot' recently i went searching through my YouTube favorites. strange spot to go hunting, you would think. but not so much. i found what i looking for.

3:12. it's like that yellow rain slicker i need in life.  Can there be anything more assuring than that?..  even on a day when my mascara is running down my cheeks?

.. . i am His.  
and He is mine.


sunday 100.1

before even starting this post ... i knew i was a list maker. i LOVE writing things to do. ideas for future careers, stores to open, books to write. oh, it iS endless. lists ARE endless obviously.. isn't that the point?

the fun in this one, though, is it is all things i love. things that i love to think of. that i love to eat. that i love to touch. that i love to hear. fill in the _______.
starting this sunday .. . today.. then next.
ten will be posted of my own favorite.
no particular order.
some serious. some silly.
all mixed up.
we'll see who is paying attention

are you up to the challenge, too, though? 
make your own list. 
after you're done reading, link on up below.

100.  life is beautiful _ if you haven't seen it. call off work tomorrow and watch. here are two short clips. the game rules     the march
i would suggest watching it with the subtitles. it's the REAL deal, then.

99.    the color ochre

98.    jasmine tea _ this is a new love.. but i fell head over heels. a cup of hot or cold. either way

97.    flea markets. having no idea what you are going to find. kinda why i love daffy's
         [the flea market of clothing stores]

96.    Ticonderoga pencils 

95.    my mom's grilled cheese sandwiches. mine will never compare.

94.    blue glass

93.    an old pair of red pajama pants that have 100 holes up and down the leg [made by my cat], nicknamed my 'hobo pants' by Sis. I refuse to them throw out. best sleep ever in those suckers.

92.    Lolita Lempicka can't remember when i started wearing this fragrance but it's been forever. it's like no other.

91.    knowing that my brain has just taken in new information, that i've learned something new. lightbulb on.

90.   hearing a song that brings a happy memory flooding back to my mind.

---- - - - oooopsss.. that's eleven. { see - i said "who's paying attention?" }

start your first ten today. write your own post and link up here.