the path of the summer wind

i have at least seven blog posts written up in rough draft form.
but i'm sick and tired.. .
no really!!?!?
i'm sick AND tired.
but _ Both applications fit here, really.

my car is one of my favorite safe havens.
for some reason i feel invisible in it.
As an educated person, I know, any person can see through my driver's side window at me.
[talking, crying, singing.. etc.]
but i simply don't care.

Here were two that got me today, as I flipped through the radio.

keane: stop for a minute.
but if i stop for a minute...
i think about things i really don't want to know.
and i'm the first to admit it...
.. . sometimes i feel like a little lost child

jimmy needman: Yours to take.
so, this is breathing air for the very first time.
... I'm not going away.
I'm Yours to take.

2010 Summer.
Ecclesiastes 11:5

5 As you do not know the path of the wind, 
or how the body is formed in a mother’s womb, 
so you cannot understand the work of God, 
the Maker of all things. 

This summer's going to need a lot of praying to get me to August.. maybe even to the end of July. 
I'll make it. and those seven blog posts will too. 


putting my suitcase on hold

i should be packing at this very moment.
but alas.. . my laptop has lured me in. once again.
on the theme of clothing: if you know nothing of Ruche, i feel it is my duty to inform of you this heavenly online shop.
Go and bask in its glory:: :and think of me while i pack my tiny suitcase.

are you satisfied with an average life?


my father

the devil creeps in some days.

whispering _

you're good enough. 
you are not smart enough
your mom isn't going to make it til next christmas... 
THAT decision was the wrong one
you are not a good teacher, or daughter, OR sister
you should be at THIS place in your life.. . and you're NOT.. you NEVER will be
you are weak. 

when i was growing up, my mom always used to say: whenever you feel evil around you.. or the devil tearing you down to call out:: :

In the name of JESUS, get behind me satan. 

she told my sister and I, that at Jesus' name the devil cowers.

In The Wisdom of Tenderness, Brennan Manning relates a story about an older nun he met on a retreat. She needed guidance in the late hours of one night.

[46]She began to cry. A small, frail woman, she shook with the sobbing.  

After a long discussion about her emotionally and physically abusive childhood, Manning asked if he could pray with her.

I prayed with her for several minutes for inner healing. Then I asked her, 'Sister, would you be willing to go off to a quiet place every morning for the next month, sit down in a chair, close your eyes, upturn your palms, and pray this one phrase over and over: 'Abba, I belong to you'? 

She looked skeptical, so I explained it further. "It's a prayer of exactly seven syllables, and seven syllable correspond perfectly to the rhythm of our breathing.
Inhale on Abba; exhale on the I belong to you.

At the outset, you'll say it with your lips alone, but as your mind becomes conscious of the meaning, you'll push your head down into your heart in a figurative sense, so that 'Abba, I belong to you' becomes what the French call un cri de coeur, a heartfelt cry from the depth of your being, 
establishing who you are, 
why you're here, 
and where you're going.

It's a prayer you can pray while working in the garden, 
listening to music, driving a car, crossing the street, 
watching television, reading a book, baking a cake, lying in bed. 
When you pray it dozens and dozens of times each day, and it becomes syncopated with the rhythm of your heartbeat, you can, as Jesus says in Luke 18, 
pray all day long and never lose heart.

I asked the nun, 'Will you try it?'
She replied,'Yes'

Hoping on days when thoughts haunt you, or the devil tosses doubts in your direction  _ this prayer places you in His arms.
where you've never left.

Abba, I belong to You.


grading the beatles

one of my favorite beatles songs. 
.. .in honor of report card night being tonight.. . . 
.as i would like to be everywhere but HERE, for sure: there_ and ANYwhere else. .. 
enjoy as much as i do


because of bleecker. street

this past sunday.100 post is missing.
my weekend was made quite.special
my phone can't even begin to capture it.. .  

// june.12

i believe in fairy.tales

i can't tell you how many times I have hit the back arrow on my car stereo:
track one _ august rush movie soundtrack.
hits my heart.

sometimes a movie just gets it. just spot.On.

if you haven't seen this movie-- -
it comes highly recommended by me.
your fellow blogger friend.


close encounters with bambi's dad and my Father

Several times this past week, i have had close encounters with a variety of animals.. when i say close.. i'm talking within foot range. .. three squirrels came scurrying up to me one day at lunch chattering up a storm.

i walked out to my car the next day and a deer stood on my parents' front lawn _ looked right up at me, sizing me up. i, of course, began talking to 'him', until the neighbor walked up and wondered what was going on..  good stuff here..

on the way home yesterday @ nighttime .. i caught a glimpse of what looked like Bambi's father, standing on the side of the road. his antlers proud and tall. i slowed my car to a stop, making sure that all the other cars behind me realized what they were passing by.. . and to do so safely.

all these things may seem... to you, very silly. but every time i see these creatures, i stop. because in them i see Peace. i see what i don't see all around. and i guess what i don't feel in myself. i've been crazed. when i look at them, i honestly [sigh] and take a deep breath..

Every time i watch them i hear God whispering in my ear, i give you My peace.

2 Thessalonians 3:16
Now the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times in all ways
The Lord be with you all.


sunday 100.6

the first ten _ of last half.. .

49.  the sound of a running bath.tub.
part of the reason is from my own childhood.
the other part  =  bathtime for my nieces and nephews.
nothin' like this little baby belly and bottom in the tub.

48. the feeling of putting chapstick on. .. or maybe it's just this one specific chapstick i've had for a bit now. the reasoning could be two.fold.

47. the center of Westfield, New Jersey. go.. you'll love it. make sure to visit The Town Book Store.

46. window waves 

45. the smell of summer rain.. those quick rainshowers when.. moments later everything has evaporated. there's a certain scent.

44. when people i love and .... who are part of my heart. . are happy

43. a good fountain Coca.Cola_ i don't do diet soda. never have. never will.

42. cans.
I've become slightly obsessed.
have them in my apartment. my classroom.
put flowers in them. wrap cute farm ribbon 'round them. each table group at school has their pencils and pens, erasers in them. quite useful they are. and free.

41. my Grand.father
we were kindred spirits of sorts. and he loved me more than anything.
he was an artist. a wise ass.
could be mean as all else, but had all the love in his heart for his family.
the whole town of madison knew him in the two months after he moved in, Big Lou _ but only 5 feet tall, loved food. Sen.Sen., cashews, and rye toast. always had his camera with him.
just thinking about him makes me cry. i miss him.

40. the beach at night. not during the day. i actually hate it during the day. i will now readily admit that i'm not a beach person. that's really not the popular opinion. but since #64. after growing into myself.. i am willing to admit this .. sun poisoning is not my favorite thing. and that seems to conveniently happen each time i head toward the beach these days. or as in Fools Rush In style, [5:12] one of my favorite movies...

"in Case you haven't noTiced, the white people are melting out here!"


found in Worship. dCrowder

since LaLa shut down just days ago _ the 'Found in Worship' link on the sidebar now reads NO LONGER AVAILABLE.. .
so i thought i would officially make this Crowder song a post for the blog archive.
it should be your must love list.

Beautiful Savior. Wonderful King


now, in the future, Always : embraced by the One

on monday afternoon, i gave myself a five minute time.out.
the students were reading. i needed the pause button.
so i headed over to this Bible.Memory Verse site i love// / on my laptop at the back of my classroom.
i think i clicked on the first set.
don't remember.
but i found this.

"You're blessed when you feel you've lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you."
Matthew 5:4

i'm feeling'
in need of
a change
a major change
i hate to even use the phrase
.mid.life crisis
i'm not even there yet ..  but almost.. 32  _ single.  . . it's sometimes. painful.
and to be honest.
i feel there are many other pathways i would like to try out.
creative paths.ways.

i'm feeling stuck.
and i don't like that feeling.

I've had this discussion with several people recently about how
i would love to just pick up and just Go.
let God lead the way.
He's led me this far and I know He knows the next step better than I.
the future doesn't seem scary with Him.
i'm excited about change.