a clock_full of 2009

2009 is coming to a close.
2010 is hours away.

months, days and minutes full of.. .
and more food
great outfits
bad outfits
becoming part of PCNP
belly laughs
sly smiles
enjoying my hobbies once again
stayin' warm with Jayden
q.time with sister
dancing and loving it
tears for no reason
tears for a reason
an endless, back and forth, game of facebook poke with a friend
a sad goodbye_ how is it that my nieces and nephews now have 'Maybe' memorized?
the painting of my apartment
a new girlfriend, who i love and trust
reading the Bible more and more... wanting to read the Bible more and more

this year was monumental for me.
i finally feel like i have grown into the woman that I was meant to be.
i'm happy with me.
or as the cliche quips, i'm comfortable in my own skin'

George Bernard Shaw once said::
:: youth is wasted on the young.
With every passing year _ i gain a bit more knowledge and life experience. i look back on the last ten years and ponder how very true that statement is, at least in my own life. if i was the person I am today, back in 2000 _ things would have been different.

but it took some time for me to grow. took awhile actually. and 2009 was a big part of that. there has never been a time when i have felt God's hand directly in my life than this one. and that had nothing to do with Him deciding to change anything. It was all about what I gave over to Him.

it's interesting to go back and reread my first posts. and think about what was going on then.. .from month to month_ a myriad of emotions and situations, both positive and negative, I faced. Never before have I learned to draw closer to God. 2009 has taught me to do that. and never before have I loved Him more.



by the time you are my age, you have heard .. and sung along with .. .the common christmas song thousands of times. they become "tattoo"ed in your head beside other things, you don't even realize you've subconsciously memorized. with this memorization, it's very possible and likely at times, to not hear the meaning behind the words.

last week, i heard the little drummer boy by jars of clay.
and when i listened, i realized it's more than just a christmas song.
it's a song for our everyday lives.

i am a poor boy
i have no gifts to give
shall i play for you
on my drum

i played my drum for Him
i play my best for Him
then, He smiled at me
me and my drum

I heard it and I heard a song being sang about myself.
I have nothing worthy here, that i possess on this earth to give to the King.
all I have is my life.. to give.
to play my best for HIM.

as I listened to this I thought about that moment_ when I will meet Jesus, when we all will. It's that last line... All we can do with our lives is honor Him. What a glorious thought that with our lives we can make the King smile. .. .

not such a common CHRISTmas song after all.


silent snow

yesterday in my 3-5 year old art class, i asked the kids ..
"Did you hear about the snow that may be coming today?"

this little girl paused to listen and then whispered her response:
"I don't hear it!"


i heart teaching: reason #2

The satellite image on page 4 was taken from space. Do you think astronauts can see all of Earth at one time? Why or why not?

no. because the earth will be on the back of the ship


the message in the manger

in the darkness of my bedroom this morning. my eyes barely opened, i struggled to find a pen, pencil _ and any surface to write upon. I eventually ended up using a tissue on which to write the few lyrics which i heard from this new Christmas song by Chris Tomlin.

There are only a few Christmas songs that, in my opinion, truly capture the real Christmas. Not the consumer holiday to which it has become transformed. This is one of them.

And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in manger."

Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying, "Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests."
Luke 2.8-14


i heart teaching: reason #1

on monday i picked up my students from gym.
leading them back to the classroom, i turned around and glanced back.. .
one of my boys who was in the front_ beads of sweat dripping down his face.

"what's going on? did you take a shower in there? "
{by november, they have adjusted to my sarcasm and quite enjoy a good banter every now and again }

he laughs at me, a smile pops across his glistening face.
"no, i always sweat like this.."
and with disbelief in his voice,
"And my dad won't even let me wear deodorant?!?!?"

to which i reply, as i waft air from him toward me
[ totally inappropriate teacher that i am ]
"you aren't stinky!"

"yehhh- i am!"

by this point, I realize he doesn't really understand the true purpose of deodorant and thinks of it more as a cool accessory."No -- like REALLY stinky - just because you're sweating, it doesn't mean you are STINKY. kids who are 3 and 4 may be sweating like you are, but they aren't going to wear deodorant!"

he just starts laughing again at me.. "they're too little."

"yeh-- that's what my dad says -- for when i'm older"..

"Yes, you've got a bit to go."

i love knowing them now. as their little selves. untouched and not tainted by the world just yet.

there's an advertisement i found years ago, when i was still teaching second grade --- since then i've moved up to the 'big kids' in fourth. it sits framed on the back window in my classroom -
..if this isn't spot on.. i don't know what else is.

When you cried during It's a Wonderful Life,
Part of you knew you were onto something.
There was a time when you knew, really knew
that chaining up a dog was mean and no adult could tell you otherwise.
We begin with our compass dead center,
but slowly we stop trusting it
and it gets off track.
We can fix it.
This isn't about liberating dogs or crying at movies,
it is about putting your heart where it belongs,
being the person you know you were meant to be,
the one you probably were in the 3rd grade.


waiting on line

i stood in old navy yesterday with my fake uggs boots and headband to purchase. I'm a sucker for cute headbands now. waitin' on line.
waitin' a few people back.
patient as could be.
as long as i have people to watch, i don't mind..

up at the register was a mother and her baby, the little boy who had to be almost a year or so was sitting on the counter. the mother just kissin' his little face all over. every last inch. little tiny kisses here and there, as she gently tucked his hood back up over his tiny head. serious, my insides ached. couldn't take it. stood there just watching and smiling, but aching inside.

anyone who knows me, knows that i desire more than anything else a baby. and as i stood there yesterday, i realized ... . it's not about the being pregnant (although the thought of that makes me grin from each to ear), it's not about cute lil' outfits i will be able to dress him or her up in (even though she or he will be the funkiest dressed baby EvEr!) ...

it's ALL about this endless love that i have for him or her. The kisses and hugs and rocking and lovin' that is in me already to give him or her.

At this point, my poor cat is only recipient of this kissing, hugging love, and as much as he enjoys being carried around my apartment like a baby_ there are times, he just wants to be left alone.

I have spent a lot of time reading Mark lately, learning of Jesus' time with the apostles and his many miracles. > Mark 11.22-24 was one of those verses that highlighted itself as I read one night.

"Have faith in God," Jesus answered. "I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, 'Go throw yourself into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours."

Back to Bloggin'

Dear Blogger Dashboard::

You've been missed. Between all my nightly - weekly activities that have been keeping me occupied and unusually busy/ horseback riding, ALPHA small group, Youth Club, teaching art on the weekends // I have been unable to keep up with my blog. And oh ! how I have missed you.

It's strange, how much a silly little blog can help you sort through your thoughts. Almost as much as talking to yourself in the car does. Truth be told, nothing will ever replace tHAt though... As many strange looks that get tossed my way. And well _ who is going to readily admit that they don't do it ?? ...

YOu know You do !