It would be very easy to sit around and watch the tribute to my mom on YouTube all day.
and cry all day and night... .
but I know she would not want that.
So instead of typing her name on YouTube I searched her all time favorite
and found this. and immediately started smiling.. .
yes, tears still falling
but happiness filled my heart.
there have been so many opportunities recently to talk about God at school
.. .within certain parameters that is.
[ i'm @ a public school ] : but i try to not let that hold me back.
Yesterday a child told me "there is no God".
You know I couldn't leave THAT go!?!? ?
this young man whom I do adore, is learning Hebrew afterschool. ..
but apparently doesn't believe that God exists.
Well, he's now teaching me Hebrew on the side.
I asked if he could share with me some words to use when I pray. I'm gonna break him down... .
the Spirit works in miraculous ways we don't understand, right?
If my mom taught me anything, it was to tell people about Jesus.
anywhere. anyone. any way.
I remember hearing stories about her when she worked at my first school of employment
_where she got very close to the "edge" : separation of church and state, that is.
and now I've become her.
So when we received an email from our principal sharing this YouTube video
.. . and "OK'ing" it for the students,
I tossed them all on the reading rug and pressed play.
They loved it _ of COURSE!
We're replaying it tomorrow.
Along with a read.aloud, The Christmas Miracle of Jonathan Toomey.
One of my mom's favorites.
A story of love, redemption and restoration.
Yesterday I was folding laundry.. and looking for the perfect spot for my mom's robe.. . Sorting through her drawers, I stumbled upon a little travel jewelry case full of her most recent fancies. Hidden among some old and new jewels, I found a golden locket that I recognized. Calla Lilies covering the front. But it was the first time I had the chance to see inside of it. Not a picture of my sister and I. nope, not her husband. not even her grandchildren. i'm smiling typing this. it's sO my mom. ahhhhh_ i miss her so much.
but what I saw made me smile, made my heart fill with happiness. burst its seams with happiness.
It was a picture of Jesus. you could see the edges she must have cut out from a card or a bookmark. beard and all.
She keeps sending me signs that she's good. Beyond good.. that she's happy. that she is healthy.
The day before she passed she told me she would be watching over me, "just like my mother did"... . no doubt she is this very moment.
heard this today and the words spoke to me ... from her..
"we're made alive in You. we run to Your Throne. where we belong."
Can't even begin to explain or sort through my thoughts and emotions of the last two weeks with the passing of my mom. Even as I type that I want to go back and hit BACK SPACE... DELETE>>>... .
I found this email today that she received about a week before her last days [-and then responded back to her friend]... . it made me smile. I know she certainly is smiling now. and endlessly praising .. as hard as it is for all of us stuck here without her.
I'm leaving it in original form... so go ahead and scroll.
From: llanastasio@--------------
To: jeostrong@------------
Date: Sun, 14 Nov 2010 15:44:15 +0000 (GMT)
Subject: Re: Fwd: Beautiful explanation of death
Thanks for sending me this. I love you
----- Original Message -----
From: jeostrong@---------------
Date: Sunday, November 14, 2010 10:40 am
Subject: Fwd: Beautiful explanation of death
> ~DEATH~
> WHAT A WONDERFUL WAY TO EXPLAIN IT ..
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> A sick man turned to his doctor as he was preparing to
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> Leave the examination room and said,
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> 'Doctor, I am afraid to die.
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> Tell me what lies on the other side.'
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> Very quietly, the doctor said, 'I don't know.'
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> 'You don't know? You're, a Christian man,
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> and don't know what's on the other side?'
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> The doctor was holding the handle of the door;
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> On the other side came a sound of scratching and whining,
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> And as he opened the door, a dog sprang into the room
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> And leaped on him with an eager show of gladness.
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> Turning to the patient, the doctor said,
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> 'Did you notice my dog?
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> He's never been in this room before.
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> He didn't know what was inside.
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> He knew nothing except that his master was here,
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> And when the door opened, he sprang in without fear.
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> I know little of what is on the other side of death,
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> But I do know one thing...
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> I know my Master is there and that is enough.'
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> May today there be peace within you.
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> May you trust God that you are exactly
> Where you are meant to be.
> I believe that friends are quiet angels
> Who lift us to our feet when our wings
> Have trouble remembering how to fly.
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the only way to find your life _ is to lay your life down.
we bear the light of the Son of Man. so there's nothing left to fear. . cause he promised not to leave and His Promises are true
in the face of all this chaos baby, i can dance with you so let's go dancing in the minefields let's go sailing in the storms ... .and kicking down the doors. this is harder than you dreamed but that's what the promise is for.
I found myself today during Writing Workshop asking questions that seemed more theological than anything else.
Some of my students were struggling with expanding their characters, after an in.depth lesson on internal and external character traits.
: even with use of a photo [and some funny stories] of this little guy
_ my nephew Aidan, whom they quickly fell in love with. [also the little love nugget in the Lilies header]
Some questions followed after the lesson.."I don't know what else to write about my character. I don't know what he would do in this situation? and my response...
"Isn't it the Creator of the character, who knows him/herthe best one to figure it out?"
I, then had to step it down a notch, [teaching in a public school] before I spoke any further.
Aren't your parents .. .the ones who made you - the people who know your in.s and out.s best? The way you act? Your TRUE motivations behind your behavior? whether it be sneaky or for the good of others?
The lesson ended. And as a whole, the group had a concrete understanding of today's objective. Job done. But it is in moments like that when I feel as if a hand is reaching down from heaven or whispering in my ear. Messages just for me.
I found as I asked that first question a bold peace came over me _ Isn't it the Creator of all _ the Creator of little ole me who knows me the best. BEsT of anyone. the best of my family. the best of my very small group of friends. He knows my heart. He can see right into my core. my dirty, dusty corners and love me just the same.
It's funny how a simple writing task can bring me right back to where my mind should always be. thinking about my Maker.
How he knows all there is to know about me.
AND my story_
and where it's taking me next.
guess you really did it this time_ left yourself in your warpath? lost your balance on a tight rope? lost your mind trying to get it back? wasn't it easier in your lunchbox days? always a bigger bed to crawl into wasn't it beautiful when you believed in everything? and everyone believed in you? ... . who you are is not where you've been.. .. who you are is not what you did. today is never too late to be brand new.
wasn't it easier in your firefly catching days? when everything out of reach, someone bigger brought down to you ... .before the Monsters caught up to you.
:We've been RE.made:
You are more than the choices that you've made.
Your are more than the sum of your past mistakes.
You are MORE than the problems you create. You've been REMADE.
YOU"VE BEEN REMADE.
17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!18 All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation:19 that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation.20 We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reconciled to God.
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just Facebook 'liked' this shirt from Ruche. one of my favorite online shops. [not that I have ever officially purchased anything from there] .. my Sister has gifted me several Ruche items, luckily, but .. my wallet has never shopped there. my credit card debt will finally be paid off in several months.
countdown to which a real party should be planned. this was a serious BALANCE. due in part to clothes like this.. .among other things.
but this is a topic for another time. . ..
isn't it funny how this shirt is SOOOooooo old lady-ish... and yet i'm all over it?!? imagine it with a leather skirt? : a chunky crystal necklace - maybe, even a cute knit hat to top it all off. . Funny how everything old is new again. All vintage things are so attractive .. to me at least. I'm finding that the things my eyes cling to are actually kind of ugly themselves - until I have fun 'funking' them up.
Do you find yourself doing this? or am I alone in this search for unmatchable 'garage sale chic' items?
if you haven't read Crazy Love - it's a book you need to get your hands on.
i blogged about it quite a bit ago _ but uncovered him again today.
his book is life changing.
i love to listen to him speak: the stories - his perspective.
one of my next "to reads" on my bookshelf is his newer book: Forgotten God. FRANCIS CHAN online
'Svenskt Tenn bags are loved from Stockholm to New York, to Shanghai and home again. Estrid Ericson designed the Elephant pattern and Svenskt Tenn designed the form.'
Item no. GA11066
1,400 SEK how do i get my hands on this bag... or 1,400 SEK? .. .that would be $213.40 [thanks to google conversions]
1. found this video from a trip to my sister's a while back. uploaded it. already watched it five times. silly how absolutely. out of this world. happy this makes me... or is it? i guess it's sillier when you think about what else makes people happy. i'd rather have my big sister right here, Right now.
2. there's something about kina. love her lyrics. her voice. . . all of the above.
Delicate
you said, "be careful, it's delicate
things can just crumble apart."
but it's not the same for me
it's not the same for me
so i kept treading so carelessly
thin lines that splintered my ground
but i closed my eyes to them
i closed my eyes to them
how did you know that i couldn't be what everyone wanted me to be
and how did you know that i wouldn't see when everything falls away from me
when everything falls away from me
one day i woke in the rubble
knee-deep in damage i'd done
and i was ashamed of it
how did it come to this?
how did you know that i couldn't be what everyone wanted me to be
and how did you know that i wouldn't see when everything falls away from me
when everything falls away from me
how did you know that i couldn't be what everyone wanted me to be
and how did you know that i wouldn't see when everything falls away from me
when everything falls away from me
when everything falls away from me
#4) In an effort to spread awareness, share your (or someone you know/love) breast cancer story
i haven't ever told the whole story of my mom's sixteen .. . seventeen year battle with breast cancer. I've mentioned it here or there _ in one post or two.
There are very few people in my life who i will 'openly' speak to about this. and when i say 'openly' - i mean allowing myself to let it all go - turning into babbling brook of tears and snot by the end of the conversation. i usually request a change of topic because I can't bear to talk about it anymore.
: it's one of the spots in my heart that won't ever close up. that scar that won't heal. even if tonight she fully recovered.
I wasn't planning on writing about this when I saw Mama Kat's prompt.
actually I didn't want to write about it. My heart didn't want to write about it.
and then _ about a half hour ago i just got phone call from my mom. She's back in the hospital again. Third.. fourth time in the last few months. She just started chemo again two weeks ago. and we're all hoping that it will shrink the new cancer that has grown after the radiation she had last year. but she still can't breathe. even with the constant oxygen at home.
I don't know exactly what to write. or what to say. I guess it's like when i talk about it.
it's just raw emotions. i wish i could fix everything and make her better. heal her. enable her to walk a flight of stairs without gasping for air. or blow out her birthday candles without being frustrated at her lack of air.
but i can't.
i
can't.
all i can do is be with her. love her.
and pray for her.
if you know her, please do the same. she needs double _ triple _ quadruple _ endless doses of all this.
